VOTE FOR ME AND ELECT ME AS YOUR DICTATOR! I'LL THINK FOR YOU!

by Big Fat Heretic Wed Jul 03, 2013 1:46 am

OK, I'm really bummed out right now.

Here's the situation.

My health care provider will not be able to make it this week.

Her car was hit in the side by a drunk driver. Fortunately she was not seriously injured, but her car will be laid up at the body shop for about a week, possibly longer.

The engine will not run, because the fuel pump was damaged, but the engine is fine otherwise.

But here's the catch . . .

They had to order a fuel pump, and they are not going to start on the body work until the fuel pump arrives.

This means it might take another week, and my health care provider could lose her job.

Uh! Excuse me . . . But, couldn't they just go ahead and get started on the body work before the fuel pump arrives? That way, when the body work is done, all they'll need to do in put in the new fuel pump, and the car can be ready, same day.

Makes sense to me.

But NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!

DUH! HUH! HUH! We can't do the body work until we get the fuel pump! DUH!

OK . . . . . let's say, my house needs to be painted outside. But the light bulb in my kitchen went out. So, I guess I can't get started painting my house until I replace the light bulb!

Gee! Make perfect sense! Doesn't it?

Uh . . . NO!

I called my health care provider, and we had a nice long talk. I told her she should light a little fire under their asses, and tell them to just go ahead and get started on the body work anyway before the fuel pump arrives. Then, with the body work finished in advance, the car will be ready to go when the fuel pump arrives so she can have her car much sooner, and not have to worry about losing her job.

So, that is what she is going to do. She is going to call them, and tell then to just go ahead and get started on the body work anyway so the car will be ready when the fuel pump arrives.

You see . . . . .

I have to do other peoples thinking for them.

But, it's been like that all my life.

My own brother and sister were a couple of morons and I had to do their thinking for them.

My brother once had an International Harvester with four-wheel drive. One day he checked the oil level and it was low, so he needed to add a quart of oil.

But he couldn't figure out how to open the can.

I told him to simply punch a couple of holes in the top of the can with a screw driver.

OK, so he got a screw driver, then he picked up a rock, a dirty rock, caked with mud, to start pounding on the screw driver to puncture the can. Yeah, he was about to get dirt into the motor oil.

Then I said "Gimme that ya moron!" I threw the dirty rock away, brushed the dirt away from the top of the can, then, I hit the handle of the screw driver with the heel of my hand to punch a hole in the top of the can.

Then I said "There! That's how you do it! Or are you too limp-wristed to use the heel of your hand to hit the handle of the screw driver?" Then I did the rest. We didn't have any of those plastic funnels, so I made a funnel out of cardboard and I poured the oil into the engine for him.

Yeah! I had to do his thinking for him! IDIOT!!!

But, it's been like that all my life.

So, people, I'll tell ya what . . . if you all elect me as your dictator, I will do all your thinking for you, and you all can just sit back, kick back and relax, watch your football games on TV, swill down your cheap Buckhorn beer, crap in your diapers and pass out drunk, and just, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I shall take on the burden of doing all your thinking for you . . . . .

. . . from my private castle up in the mountains with my own astronomical observatory.

Now, doesn't that sound like a sweet deal?

Just enjoy your football games while I do all your thinking for you.