REAL JOCK QUOTES

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REAL JOCK QUOTES

Post by Big Fat Heretic on Sun Jul 13, 2014 3:56 am


REAL JOCK QUOTES

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

Upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say, "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up, alphabetically by height." And "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."

Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements: "I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my fucking clothes."

Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece: "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."

Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships: "I've won at every level, except college and pro."

Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play." (1992)

Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." (1982)

Tommy Lasorda, Dodger manager, when asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations: "He wants Texas back." (1981)

Darrell Royal, Texas football coach, asked if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries that season resulted from poor physical conditioning: "One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?" (1966)

Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet." (1991)

Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs: "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy officiating." (1986)

Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons: "It's basically the same, just darker." (1991)

Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote: "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot." (1996)

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'" (1991)

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."
========================================

And these brain-dead idiots are getting paid millions of dollars every year???

They all should just shut the fuck up, and go home, and play in their back yard sand boxes!

Yeah! And here in America, we are taring down science museums and libraries to make room for new sports arenas!

America will never be a free nation, not until the last sports arena is torn down and the last church steeple topples over!

And not until the last crooked Republican politician is strangled to death with the intestines of the last evangelical preacher!

Only then, will America be a free nation!
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Re: REAL JOCK QUOTES

Post by Fitman's Brother on Sun Jul 13, 2014 8:53 pm

Fat Man, are you really that stupid?  95% of these are tongue-in-cheek comments.  Anybody with half a brain could see that they are not spoken literally.

You either lack the cranial capacity to see this, or you simply have zero sense of humor and just don't "get" jokes.  It's okay though, being slow obviously something you are used to.

With that being said, here is my favorite Bit Fat Heretic quote:

"Wahhhhhhh.  Fuck American.  America is a shithole of a country!"
-Fat Man, being quoted after receiving his free benefits funded by the American taxpayers
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Re: REAL JOCK QUOTES

Post by Big Fat Heretic on Mon Jul 14, 2014 12:48 am

When I was in school, my parents paid PROPERTY TAXES and SCHOOL TAXES, and my parents tax dollars paid for books I was not allowed to read.

And, my parents SCHOOL TAXES paid the salary of the sports obsessed teacher who bashed my head against a brick wall in an argument over an Astronomy book (which my parents paid for) that he would not allow me to check out from the school library.

So, instead if coming home with a decent education, I came home with head injuries!

That's only suppose to happen from football, and not from a desire to read books!

Oh! And if those were just humorous tongue-in-cheek comments, then some of those comments (like running over somebody's mother) are really sick comments that I don't find humorous at all.

But you (think?) they're just funny humorous comments. Eh?

You would probably laugh your ass off if your own grandmother tumbled down a flight of stairs!

You're one sick puppy!

Anyway . . . . .

I hope one of these days you die in a violent car crash and your car goes up in flames, and you die screaming out in agony! That would serve you right!

GO FUCK YOURSELF!

No wait! Strike that!

I have a better one!

I hope your car hits a telephone pole, and you're too stupid to remember to wear your seat belt, and you go crashing through the windshield, and you land on a fire hydrant, smashing your testicles, so that for the rest of your miserable, pathetic little life, you won't be able to butt-fuck little boys anymore!

In which case, you won't even be able to go fuck yourself either!

No! I really don't want you to die.

I just want you to suffer!
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Re: REAL JOCK QUOTES

Post by Fitman's Brother on Mon Jul 14, 2014 1:48 am

You truly are an idiot. I know 5 year olds that are smarter than you.

Even though you lack common sense and intellectual prowess, I think what you lack most is emotional maturity and the ability to communicate with others.

You fail to understand a light-hearted joke from serious things. Even the comments such as running over a mother are tongue-in-cheek and anybody that can see this (apparently you can't) will still find it funny.

It's just amazing how STUPID you are. Oh, and you keep mentioning how your parents paid taxes. I'll say it for the millionth time: they were great, wonderful people.

YOU are not. You are a leech and just a bitter, angry person who wants to kill anybody who disagrees with you. You are nothing but a fat, stupid, authoritarian.

Even though I disagree with all the dumb shit that comes from your mind, I don't think you should be killed. But I guess that just means I'm a better person than you
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Re: REAL JOCK QUOTES

Post by Big Fat Heretic on Mon Jul 14, 2014 4:59 am

Well, if you noticed, I changed my mind about you getting killed.

It would be more fun if you got your testicles smashed instead.

And no . . . I just don't appreciate jock humor. Sorry about that!

Also, you are a disgrace to your fine Jewish grandparents.

And no . . . I'm not an authoritarian. I'm against book censorship and I support science education in our public schools, while right-wing moronic fuck-tards like you only support sports in our schools.

Hey! Eat any good books lately?

It's obvious that you believe that it's OK for a physically handicapped kid in school to get kicked out of school if he fails to climb a rope in a gymnasium, even though passing all other academic courses like science and math.

You believe that  it's OK to bash a kid's head against the corner of a concrete block wall to stop him from reading books. Gee! I always thought that school was a place to read books! But, I guess I was wrong! School is only a place to play with balls. Right?

It's also obvious that you are a right-wing religious fanatic. You're a Republican. Right?

You believe that the earth is only 6000 years old, that the earth is flat, and the sky is just a dome. Yeah, that the earth is shaped sort of like a sports arena.

Here's someone you should meet one of these days.


Coach David Daubenmire

He says that it should be OK to bully nonbelievers around.

I'm sure the two of you would get along just fine. He might even let you suck his cock!

OK, I do have a hard time understanding what you're trying to say in these forums.

That's because you come in here dribbling either coach-cum or preacher-cum out of your mouth.

Rinse your mouth out with some Ajax before coming back into these forums.

OK?
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Re: REAL JOCK QUOTES

Post by Fitman's Brother on Mon Jul 14, 2014 4:17 pm

Nice projection, dumbass. You clearly don't know what the fuck you are talking about.

Like I just replied in the last post, you must be too stupid and puny minded to remember that I even specifically said that none of the experiences you went through were justified.

Now, back onto the jokes. The fact that you STILL can't separate a tongue-in-cheek comment from reality just shows how out of touch you really are.

I bet you are actually just a senile old man. You brain is gone; it's lost. My young brain isn't senile like yours. So anything I say holds more merit than what you say, you senile, crazy dumbass
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Re: REAL JOCK QUOTES

Post by Big Fat Heretic on Mon Jul 14, 2014 4:55 pm

I just don't appreciate jock humor!

To me, joking about running over one's own mother, or running over another person's mother, just doesn't strike me as funny.

And I've even heard jocks telling rape jokes. It might be funny to idiots like you, but it's not funny to me.

I don't have to like it.

Just as I don't have to like sports!

Now, go stick your head in a toilet three times and only take it out twice!

NOW FUCK OFF!!!
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Re: REAL JOCK QUOTES

Post by Fitman's Brother on Fri Jul 18, 2014 1:32 am

Wowww once again you show how fucking STUPID you are.

This isn't "jock humor" you fucking ignorant dumbass.  Once again your ignorance is showing and it makes me pity you.

It's called "gallows humor" go read a fucking book for once in your life.  It's very common and not at all associated with jock humor.

Now go fuck yourself.  I'm done being civil and nice.  I wish Big Fat Sportsman was here to really show the truth in what a piece of shit you are!  You are little your pathetic excuse for life, and you are lucky your boyfriend skull is there to save you.
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Re: REAL JOCK QUOTES

Post by Big Fat Heretic on Fri Jul 18, 2014 6:26 am

Fitman's Brother wrote:Wowww once again you show how fucking STUPID you are.

This isn't "jock humor" you fucking ignorant dumbass.  Once again your ignorance is showing and it makes me pity you.

It's called "gallows humor" go read a fucking book for once in your life.  It's very common and not at all associated with jock humor.

Now go fuck yourself.  I'm done being civil and nice.  I wish Big Fat Sportsman was here to really show the truth in what a piece of shit you are!  You are little your pathetic excuse for life, and you are lucky your boyfriend skull is there to save you.


Yeah, I know what "gallows humor" is.

But, I don't particularly appreciate "gallows humor" or any kind of humor coming from jocks! It all sounds retarded to me.

And also, most jocks do think that running over somebody is funny, and that rape is funny.

I especially hate rape jokes! Yeah! I've actually heard rape jokes from jocks!

You would laugh if your own grandmother tumbled down a flight of stairs!

Sorry, but what is funny to a jock is not funny to me!

I don't have to like it! I didn't know that liking Gallows jock humor was a requirement!

You may like it, just as you also like that musty locker room smell. Yeah! the smell of sweat socks and sweaty jock straps gives you an erection.

I find it aggravating!

It's bad enough that we have mandatory PE in our public schools.

But the appreciation of jock gallows humor in NOT mandatory!

So, FUCK OFF!!!
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Re: REAL JOCK QUOTES

Post by Fitman's Brother on Fri Jul 18, 2014 2:22 pm

Don't lie. You didn't know what gallows humor was until I told you. Otherwise you wouldn't have incorrectly associated it with jocks.

And now that you have been caught being ignorant, you are whailing like a big fat baby and just insisting and insisting that gallows humor really IS jock related.

Just accept the fact that it has nothing to do with sports and people from all walks of like use gallows humor. Your ignorance is showing and everybody on the forum sees how stupid you are if you continue to insist this.
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Re: REAL JOCK QUOTES

Post by Big Fat Heretic on Fri Jul 18, 2014 2:45 pm

Fitman's Brother wrote:Don't lie.  You didn't know what gallows humor was until I told you.  Otherwise you wouldn't have incorrectly associated it with jocks.

And now that you have been caught being ignorant, you are whailing like a big fat baby and just insisting and insisting that gallows humor really IS jock related.

Just accept the fact that it has nothing to do with sports and people from all walks of like use gallows humor.  Your ignorance is showing and everybody on the forum sees how stupid you are if you continue to insist this.

I've heard the term "gallows humor" before, and I know that it's not only jock who engage in gallows humor, that people in all walks of live use gallows humor. I know that.

So, you're not telling me anything new.

It's just not funny coming from jocks!

It sounds retarded, like the jokes kids tell in 2ed grade.

I don't like anything jock do!

I don't like the FREE Hummers they receive after having raped someone.

I don't like the extra privileges they get.

I don't like anything about jocks!

They're stupid, rude, and obnoxious!
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Re: REAL JOCK QUOTES

Post by Fitman's Brother on Wed Jul 23, 2014 6:39 am

Clearly you don't know what gallows humor is, or you wouldn't have incorrectly called it jock humor.

Please, for once in your life, admit you were wrong. Everybody here knows you were wrong and didn't know what it was until I taught you it
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Re: REAL JOCK QUOTES

Post by Big Fat Heretic on Wed Jul 23, 2014 6:56 am

Fitman's Brother wrote:Clearly you don't know what gallows humor is, or you wouldn't have incorrectly called it jock humor.

Please, for once in your life, admit you were wrong.  Everybody here knows you were wrong and didn't know what it was until I taught you it

I know exactly what gallows humor is! It's a term I heard years ago!

So, yeah! I know the Jock Quotes are only suppose to be gallows humor.

But I don't like any kind of humor, gallows or not, coming from jocks!

Nothing a jock says amuses me in the least!
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